I’m known to be a trifle deaf at the best of times, frequently mishearing the most innocent remarks and translating them in the twisted sewers of my mind to something that would be more fitting to be launched from the blistered lips of a bunch of drunken navvies brawling in a backstreet alley.
I famously (or is that infamously?) misheard a specific comment at the pub I owned, and was frequently taunted with said word hastily crammed into a relatively normal sentence to see if I picked it up. Any visitors to the area, who inadvertently witnessed these sporadic and random episodes from my regulars, must have thought that the Welsh generally speaking have their own unique way of asking for service at the bar.For the uninitiated, the insertion of “Butt-plug” (figuratively, not literally speaking, although come to think of it neither are socially acceptable in a public bar) into your request for a pint of beer or a cheeky vimto is not generally recommended!
This coupled with the mischievous antics of the well respected head of the local Welsh language school, I am sure, has resulted in some very bizarre conversations. Imagine the poor non-Welsh speaker, being chuffed to bits to have been schooled by a headmaster no less, in the basics of culturally acceptable greetings during their holidays in Wales. Eager to try out their new found linguistic skills, I have imagined many a black eye received in the process!
When I had my pub, twisted lyrics was one of my favourite pastimes; you know belting out alternative lyrics that once heard, you can never un-hear! I have talented gigging musician friends who can no longer sing ‘Ain’t no sunshine’, for fear of drifting recklessly into the oh so rude version of the lyrics manufactured in the cesspool that lurks in the corner of the gelatinous mass rattling round in my bony head. It cannot be unheard!!
Just don’t ask me to sing …. you may seriously regret it!